“Most people fail, not because they lack talent, money, or opportunity; they fail because they never really planned to succeed”. I do not know who first said this. This phrase has been ascribed to many different people throughout history who have made their mark. When I read the quote I had to agree with the premise that practically no one sets out to fail on purpose. When something like this idea strikes me I usually employ some self examination to see how it applies to me. As I thought about the plans of mine which failed I realized that the areas where I mostly fell short were due to lack of planning. Some of my failures were most critical and consequential. Then it occurred to me that many men make the same mistake. Please allow me to expand.
I had to admit to myself that my plans placed too much emphasis on education and career while ignoring or neglecting my most important role as a man. I could tell you my net worth but I did not know the names of my daughter’s closest friends. The role to be the servant leader of my home and family I took for granted because I was there. I was home every night. I never hid a nickel from my wife. I could overlook some obvious issues because I was home. It hurts me to admit that while being present I was not attached and functioning to my family. By choice (consciously or unconsciously) I was isolated and distant. You may be thinking “because this guy admits he was a jerk he thinks he gets to enlighten us on how to live”? Yes and no. The reason for putting this down on paper (or screen if you like) is to share the evidence of a changed life in Christ. I really had nothing to do with it except the fact that I knew something was wrong and when the pain got bad enough I asked for help.
As a Christ follower I was always confused about how my soul could be saved yet I suffered with fear. I was not afraid of dying. I was afraid of living. I knew that I was redeemed by God’s grace yet the most traumatic parts of my life I was too fearful to examine. There are too many long details over almost 20 years to get into here but I finally admitted that I had trauma that had never been dealt with. I knew of the trauma but I ran from it. Going back to the beginning of this writing not facing my trauma was my lack of planning and subsequent failure. Just like your financial goals and career desires, wishing is not a plan. Wishing my trauma goes away. Wishing it gets better. There’s an old saying you can wish in one hand and expletive in the other. See which one fills up first.
God brought me to a place where I could no longer ignore it. It had been two long and painful decades and I almost lost everything precious to me. As so many people who have heard my story would muse in their cliche ways “God’s timing is perfect”. It’s cliche because it’s true. I have to agree God’s timing is perfect. I also have to declare with all certainty that God in His mercy, grace and truth would have been there 20 years sooner if I asked Him for healing and restoration of my trauma. Just the same way He redeemed my soul, simply because I asked. God is a good Father who offers pure love to His children simply because we ask. So my hope is that someone reading this is ready to stop the madness before two decades pass. God’s word says “today is the day of salvation”. It is also the day for healing of that traumatic wound.
The moment I confessed my trauma with another person I was healed. See James chapter 5 verse 16. This healing is not salvation nor is it adding anything to the perfect work of Jesus Christ at the cross. This healing is from shame, secrecy and guilt. As you can imagine carrying this for 20 years it took me a while to get my equilibrium. I compare it to having terrible vision and suddenly getting glasses at the age of 40. The wonder of everything you see clearly is coupled with the fact that depth perception is new as well. It takes some time to adapt.
If anyone reading this senses they need help please ask. Asking for help can seem unnerving and uncomfortable. My calling is to help the next man who needs to see there is another way to live. To help the next man understand his worth is the fact that he is made in God’s image. To help the next man face his traumas. The best predictor of your future is your past if you are not willing to change. God loves you and will bring that change if you will seek Him.
In closing you have the option to accept or reject anything I have said. Before you dismiss it as faith rather than evidence I cannot think of more evidence than my changed life. To God be the glory.
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