Recently my wife recently fell and broke her right knee and left elbow simultaneously. Needless to say she was hurt. At that moment we started down an unfamiliar and uncertain road. Like the old hymn says “one day at a time sweet Jesus”.
It is in times like these that you really understand that love is an action. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for rich or for poor. Does that sound familiar? Most likely you heard those words when you stood in front of your invited guests and family to declare publicly your commitment to be married. When one of you becomes dependent on the other for help to stand, sit, eat, bathe and well you know…this will require action. It likely won’t be fun nor will it be exciting. There is no trophy or plaque to show how great you are. Frankly, you’re just doing what needs to be done. In today’s culture when people view other people as disposable it might seem as if you are a super saint for acting so sacrificially. Get down off the cross, we need the wood. Accept it. You are just doing what needs to be done.
When your nerves are torn and frayed, you are tired and wearing thin, this is where and when the extra mile is required. Please let me share an experience to paint this picture. My wife and I spent 5 days at the house with her broken leg and elbow waiting for her surgery date. The day prior to her surgeries she wanted a shower before going to the hospital because she was not sure when that chance would come again. I understood and empathized. A good shower just changes how you feel and typically for the better. My challenge would be not allowing her to fall while showering. It was tricky but we made it. When finished I told her “don’t move. I’m getting a towel”. She says “get the green one”. I bring the green towel fresh from the closet. Clean, dry and thirsty. “No, not that one. Maybe it’s the greyish green one with lines in the towel”. I fold the green towel and put it back in the closet and right there at eye level is a greyish green towel with lines. I bring it to the shower entrance and she says “not that one”. At that moment my brain broke a little bit. I drifted away into a vision where I’m standing outside the house which has now collapsed and smoldering. The first responders roar up to my property and say “Sir! What happened?!” I simply look at them and say “Isn’t it obvious. I couldn’t find the towel”.
Now there was a time when I would have lost it over the choice of a towel to be so specific. I am not looking for a medal by telling you this story. Not losing my cool is something I have to work at and I very much aspire to. Losing my temper is never good and will not accomplish anything except to scare those around me. I am thankful to God that He showed me what losing my temper looks like in that vision. I do not think it too hyperbolic to compare losing my temper with a collapsed and smoldering home. I even saw in that moment how easy it is to justify bad behavior. I am thankful to God that I stayed patient and calm.
My wife apologized later. She was so stressed about not being able to be independent. She was stressed knowing that she was about to have two surgeries with one sedation. She knew the days ahead were going to be tough. How much more would her challenge have been if I had flipped out? I love her so much and I am honored to serve and protect her.
I am for the most part an easy going man who enjoys life and especially a good laugh. Because I didn’t act like a fool I have looked back and had several good laughs about that circumstance. Had I lost my temper there would be nothing to laugh about. Days later she was in the physical rehabilitation hospital and one day at a time she made progress. I spent some time rolling her around the facility in her wheelchair so she could get some fresh air and a change of scenery. One day we saw a couple having a stressful moment in their lives and neither of them were particularly kind to each other. My wife asked me “what do you think happened?” I replied “he couldn’t find the towel”.
Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel. Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. I Corinthians 13:4-7 The Message
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